Letting Go
by ScourgifyMyBrain
Summary: Broken after the death of his wife, a man leaves everything he loves and cares about, only to be suddenly visited by his past. Can he reconcile with his past? Or will hold on to it?


**Letting Go…**

**Pairing:** Hermione/Bill

**Sequel:** Picking Up The Pieces

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **Broken after the death of his wife, a man leaves everything he loves and cares about, only to be suddenly visited by his past. Can he reconcile with his past? Or will hold on to it?

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything you find familiar. The song _"Letting go"_ and the characters and the places this fic do not belong to to. The song _"Letting Go"_ belongs to _Sozzi_ and the character's & places belong to JK Rowling and the countries they are from.

_Don't call me  
Don't write  
Don't show up in the middle of the night  
You know that  
We needed  
Some time and space to breathe_

Ever since Fleur death five years ago he'd not gone back. He'd tried. He really had, but he couldn't bring himself to. He'd not answered any of their letters because it hurt too much. He had loved her. He wasn't the kind who'd have turned his back on his family, but some scars just run too deep.

_I still recall the words you said to me  
It's what you did not say that sets me free  
Now how can I find peace of mind when you keep coming back again?  
It's okay for you to play this game of seesaw with my head_

_Now it hurts too much  
And it hits too hard  
And I won't play this part_

He had lost the one person he loved more than life itself, and he's lost himself. Going back to the Burrow would remind him of her, her smell, her beauty, her unconditional love. He had had to wait 27 years before he found the woman he wanted to spend his life with, and now the remainder of his life was a waste without her. Magic was something he had left behind with his past. But he had heard that Harry Potter had triumphed and was still alive. He'd received a wedding card last year, and he had torn his house down… he was happy for his little sister, but he hated that he had to live alone. She kept coming… in his dreams… in his head. He couldn't let her go… she was the reason he was alive. After he was bitten by the werewolf, Fenrir Greyback all those years ago, she had loved him, even with all his inadequacies, and his grotesque facial scars which even magic refused to heal. The wounds which had been healed with her love were reopened when she died, leaving him vulnerable. So he left.

_Don't call me  
Don't write  
Don't show up in the middle of the night  
You know that  
We needed  
Some time and space to breathe_

His irritation was mixed with surprise when he'd hear a knock on his door. The village-folk usually left him alone. He was aggressive and the scars on his face scared them away. And, he opened the door with an angry sneer across his face looking like he'd bite the head off anyone who dared bother him. The minute the door was completely open he felt as though he shouldn't have. The villagers were all gathered around his door, eager to see who the stranger who'd come to visit him was. He could see the surprise register in her eyes… similar to that in his. And all she managed to choke out was "Bill…" before her rain-drenched form slid to the ground in exhaustion.

His mother had taught him to be a gentleman, and behind the hardened exterior he was just that. He lifted her up effortlessly into his arms, gave the villagers a loathsome sneer as they backed away and then walked into his small house kicking the door closed behind him.

He lay her down on his bed, as he rummaged through her hand bag for a wand to cast a drying charm on her. Not able to find one he woke her up so that she could change into something dry. He gave her one of his shirts. While she changed he went to the kitchen and made them some hot cocoa. When she came out he handed her a mug, and she took it gratefully as she sat down on the armchair in his living room, and they talked.

_So now I say the things I want to say  
Sometimes it's better letting go this way  
I'll always know  
Down in my soul  
We really had so far to go  
I've given all I had to give  
And now it's time for me to live  
_

It had been ages since he'd spoken to someone who knew him, and even though he regretted her coming, he was secretly glad for it. She had changed. Her rigid exterior had broken down, and he assumed it was because of the war. She was relaxed but wary of everything around her. Her hazel eyes glinted with emotion as she told him about the war. He learnt that his baby brother, Percy had been a casualty of war, and what shocked him, and increased his self-loathing was the fact that he didn't help to try and change the fact that Percy had turned over to Voldemort's side, and died trying to kill his own brother. What shocked him more what the fact that it had been his mother who killed him. Ron had lived and was going to get married by the end of the year to a girl named Alyson, and Ginny and Harry were expecting their first child.

When she yawned for probably the hundredth time, Bill told her to go to sleep. She wanted to know what was going on in his life, so he dragged her up from the armchair and pulled her effortlessly into his room, and told her firmly that she would go to sleep and leave the next morning, and not tell anyone. He realised she hadn't heard a single thing he had said when she started snoring softly, and he decided that he'd deal with her in the morning. He took a pillow and blanket out from under his bed, and went to sleep on the couch in the living room.

When Hermione woke up the next morning, her depressing surroundings startled her. She had never seen a house so filled with sorrow that even the sunlight that entered felt deadened and cold. She couldn't see anything that belonged to Fleur. Not even a photograph. She took her time to explore Bill's small house. She was making herself some tea in the kitchen.

_And I won't look back  
And I won't regret  
Though hurts like hell  
Someday I will forget_

_To say that you've been thinkin  
Cause I know it's just the drinkin  
It's funny how we seem to end up here  
I never thought I'd see this soul disappear_

"Why have you come here? How did you find me?" Bill asked roughly.

Hermione turned around startled at his harsh tone.

"I didn't find you, and I'm here because of a mer-colony in the lakes nearby. I work for the Department for the Care of Magical Creatures now, I'm working here, and you were the only wizard in this village, but they had your name down as a Mathew Montgomery Williams, so I didn't know it was you I'd run into. And anyways I need you to show me around now that I am here.

Bill grunted in response to her answer.

Hermione sighed. This was not going to be easy, now that it was Bill she was dealing with and not Mathew Montgomery Williams.

"So I guess you don't mind being stared at."

"What?" She was genuinely confused and surprised. Bill laughed sadly at her confusion and pointed to his face.

"Oh Bill. Come on." She said softly.

"Hermione. I don't want your pity!" he spat out spitefully.

"I'm not offering you any, and plus the muggles here are probably used to your scars, but you could always use the charm Fleur taught you, or stare back at the dumb muggle who'd stare at you" Hermione retorted a little more angrily than she had intended to.

Bill flinched at the mention of Fleur's name. He looked to the ground, playing with a white line on his finger where a wedding ring once existed, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

"It's been so hard without her. Even after all these years she's still there, and it just hurts so much not having her to hold" He said pointing to his heart.

"I know" Hermione said looking at him, concern filling her eyes. "But she would never have wanted this. It's like you've wiped away the memory of her existence from the world, and now you're beginning to fade away as well. It's been five years since you've come home. Your mum's gone mad looking for you, she needed you more than anything after Percy's…" Hermione couldn't bring herself to complete what she was saying as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"Bill. Trying to forget her won't make you forget her. Remember her. For who she was, for what she meant to you. Put her picture up again, open the curtains and let the light in. Come home again. Live again. Be proud of who you are, of your scars, of your pain… of your face."

She was looking at the ground, tears spilling down her face. "We have all been hurt, we have all lost people we cared for in the war. Dumbledore, Neville, Hagrid… My parents… but we can't stop living. They gave up their lives so that we could live…"

She waited quietly as her words sunk into Bills mind. She waited for him to say something. When she looked up we was sitting on the floor his head in his hand.  
She sat down silently beside him, taking his hands away from his face, feeling the wet tears that cascaded down his face, and put an arm around him.

_Don't call me  
Don't write  
Don't show up in the middle of the night  
You know that  
We needed  
Some time and space to breathe_

_And this is letting go  
This is letting go  
This is letting go  
This is letting go _

He moved, now sitting no his knees, holding onto Hermione as he cried. For her, for Fleur, for everyone he couldn't help, for everyone he felt he had let down, for his family, but most of all for himself. When his tears had dried and he stopped shuddering for the emotional tide that had washed over his, he loosened his grip around Hermione. The shirt she was wearing was wet with Bill's tears, and his hair was wet with Hermione's tears.  
Hermione wiped her face as she pulled away from Bill. She went up the stairs to the room, packed her now dry clothes into her bag. Changed out of Bill's shirt, and walked towards the door. And just as Bill walked out of the kitchen, he heard the front door close.

In his room he found two letters. One was sealed and the other was a parchment with just five sentences.

He first opened the sealed envelope.

Dear Bill,  
If I'm gone I want you to live. I want you to love again. I want you to live again. I never meant to hurt you and I never meant to upset you.

If I had to go it was because someone somewhere else probably needed me more than you did. I'd never leave you knowing you wouldn't survive.

I love you. And I always will. No matter how far away I am. I don't know how I died. But I know one thing for sure- I wouldn't want you to die with me. Remember me. Love me. But don't fade away because of me. I'd never want you to fade, because you are my star. When you shine I am happy and I would never want my star to die out.

I love you. And I always will, no matter where I am…No matter what the circumstance.

Yours Forever,

Fleur

The second letter said.

Don't stop shining Bill. Come home, we love you and we miss you. I won't tell anyone I met you. No one but Ron and me know about the letter Fleur wrote. I owled him to send it to me last night after you went to sleep.

Hermione


End file.
